They're just a TEMPORARY FIX.

"Follow through from Start to Finish"

So my dear friend from MDR showed me that quote online last night. He does piss me off at times, yet everything he says is true. So after a minute or two of being pissed at him, I try to calm down and understand what he's saying... 'cuz again, he's usually (actually mayb all the time) right. As for me, I don't like being wrong and I'm the type to do anything to prove you wrong. But since he's older than me, I respect what he says, because he's had alot more life experience than I have. After all, I've only been on earth for 20 years, 1 month, and 26 days.

For the past 6 months or so, I have been swept away with a yearning for change. When I turned 20 this year, that's when it hit its toll. I want something... but I don't know what. I'm tired of my old lifestyle of partying every weekend. It just gets old and it became part of my weekly routine. I noticed that it was just a temporary fix to drink and party with friends, cuz the next morning, I'm left hungover and back to square one. I guess this time, I want something that's not temporary, but something that would keep me happy for more than a day. Now, don't get me wrong, drinking is fun... but only for a couple of hours. I want something that can satisfy my being in this world... I just want to be HAPPY.

Drinking isn't the only thing that's a temporary fix, but sex is too. Sex is sexy and feels great! I don't think anyone can deny that (except maybe those that have psychological or reproductive problems). My MDR friend also told me last night that more sex leaves you wanting more...it's a temporary fix... and as humans, it's a way to feel intimacy with one another. If you're single and miss that close, physical intimacy with someone... you can always find someone to have sex with. But then again, that's not going to last, unless you're having a sex marathon. You don't have to be in love with a person to have sex with them... and that goes for young and older people alike. Yeah, it sounds harsh, but we can't deny that either, unless were some hardcore christian or that we're actually in love with the person.

Lately, I have been dropping my bad deeds and even slowly ween off from my friends. My friends are good people, but I feel like they are not on the same page as me. I just want something more than what vodka and sex can bring me. So at the same time, I admit that I have been feeling lonely. Ah! It's not fun to feel that way, especially when I haven't felt this way before. But I feel like I can work on this on my own, especially since it's me that's looking for something that my friends can't give me. 

I am an only child, and I admit, I grew up a bit spoiled (but I always denied that since I've always worked). So ever since I've been feeling the need for change, I took my first steps to feeling a sense of independency.

1. Weekly Therapy
   
2. Cooking
3. Grocery shopping by myself
   
4. Cleaning the house
5. A run around the lake by myself
6. No more "F.U.Fs" (Fucked-up Fridays-- what my friends and I made up, 'cuz we used to get hammered at my place)
   
7.  Reading more self-help books (I used to only read chick-lit)
   
8. ...No BFs/relationships

So I am proud of myself for taking these actions. They may not seem big, but to me they pretty much are. It's a total 180 from how I used to live my life... and I want to do more to live a better life. I used to tell my friend that I want to do this, that... yet I never take action on it... so to prove to him, I started doing those things within 2 weeks?

               Please share your thoughts and ideas on what else I can do :)